I AM SO CONSERVATIVE

I AM SO CONSERVATIVE, …HORSES & BAYONETTES…THAT’S BETTER THAN DRONES, RIGHT?

I AM SO CONSERVATIVE, I HAD DONALD TRUMP PERSONALLY SIGN MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE

I AM SO CONSERVATIVE, I ALWAYS THOUGHT “LGBT” MEANS “LIQUOR GUNS BIBLE TRUCKS”

I AM SO CONSERVATIVE, I JUST BOUGHT A BUNCH OF MYSPACE STOCK

I AM SO CONSERVATIVE, I CALL STUDENT LOANS THE SNOB FEE

I AM SO CONSERVATIVE, I WILL MAKE WILL & GRACE UNCONSTITUTIONAL

I AM SO CONSERVATIVE, I MAKE YO MAMA LOOK SKINNY

I AM SO CONSERVATIVE, I BLAME JESUS FOR BEING TOO LIBERAL

I AM SO CONSERVATIVE, I BELIEVE NRA MEMBERSHIP BEGINS AT CONCEPTION

I AM SO CONSERVATIVE, I WILL IMPOSE MY OWN BUFFET RULE WHERE MILLIONAIRES GET 30% MORE ALL-U-CAN-EAT